Happy Election Day! Later, should you encounter a particularly persnickety ballot matchup, ask yourself:
Does either candidate have sufficient arm strength to cradle a ham?
If so, would they hold it high and snug to the chest – like Kennedy?
Reaganesque, with the backs of both hands exposed, loose-and-casual?
Gently supported in the traditional “fireplace log” pose?
Suspended from both sides with a Nixon-style clamp?
Would they find the grease stains embarrassing?
Or proudly parade their porky smudges through the halls of Congress?
Bone in, butt, shank, wet-cured, smoked, glazed, and/or spiral cut?
Once you’ve gotten to the meat of the matter, you’ll know the direction in which your vote must be cast!